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Tough Love on Brexit Rage

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Tough Love on Brexit Rage

OK, so the UK voted to leave the EU… what now my awakened friend?

I see a lot of anger, sadness, outrage and, frankly, pain and suffering on social media today… based on what?

Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Everything’s going to sh%t!
Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? We should hang our heads in shame!
Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? We should attack those that voted to leave!

The reality is, we just don’t know ‘what now’ in practical, legal and economic terms. There’s good evidence for various scenarios, but even the genuine ‘experts’ (you know, the people that actually know what they’re talking about) state very clearly that the only thing we know for sure is that we don’t know how a decision to leave the EU will play out…

Projections and assumptions is all we have to go on…

So I wanted to invite you to look a little deeper…

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever been surprised by your own decisions? Done something you thought you’d never do? Something that, at the time, you thought was bad?

I know I have, and on each occasion, though it may have precipitated surprise, change, massive disruption and often pain… at some level there was healing and growth underneath it.

My Soul, as I see it, had decided it was time to bring light to some aspect of my shadow… to set it free… enlighten it… In accordance with my prayers and intentions…

What you may not have thought about, or realised is:

The UK has a Soul.

All countries do, as part of their collective consciousness and identity. Nations (and anything with a defined boundary) are Beings in their own right. And if you are a UK citizen, then you are part of it. Like organs and cells are individually themselves, but also part of you.

So let me speak to something bigger than your personal, localised self… your personalised local Soul even…

And let me ask you this:

Are you willing to stay with your ‘self’ in the face of the healing that’s being asked for from your Soul? Or will you shy away, splinter off in anger and self recrimination? For as you rage and persecute those that voted to leave for ‘their ignorance’ you split the very thing you say you love, and prolong the pain.

The personal responses to the national decision very much reflect our responses to ourselves when we believe we have f*%ked things up.

I believe you are interested in a conscious, healing response to the reality of the situation…

So, let’s break it down:

I’ve stated these reactions in a pretty bold way, and you might say “I don’t think that”… just be aware that I’ve used these terms to highlight the essence of the reaction in a very obvious way, however they can show up in more subtle and ‘civilised/rational’ ways. And in anywise, it’s an invitation to ask yourself if these are happening within you…

The personal response to the national decision reflect our response to ourselves when we believe we have f*%ked things up

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REACTION 1: Everything’s going to sh%t!

Our minds are natural “Disaster Movie Making Machines”. You know this! So I invite you to examine your assumptions with some genuine self inquiry if you’re generating suffering in yourself by believing your minds scary story.

You can ask Byron Katie’s amazing questions, starting with “Is it true?”

REACTION 2: We should hang our heads in shame!

At the heart of this is an identity issue. You’ve taken the decision personally and attached a meaning to our national identity (including you) based on the decision we’ve made that is causing you pain. Shame and self condemnation my friend is pain.

Freeing up painful attachment to your sense of identity isn’t about denying your actions or their consequences. It’s about dropping the paralysing, disabling disempowerment, bringing clarity and freedom of movement to respond wholesomely in presence.

The NPA Process works directly with identity issues and is great for helping you step out of blocks which come from identity shifts. It empowers you to stop beating yourself up and start taking clear positive action at times like these. It also frees you up to allow IN the new sense of self that your Soul is calling for.

REACTION 3: We should attack those that voted to leave!

So you feel angry. I get it.
Things didn’t go as you wanted or expected… An idea about the future has been shattered. And you’re scared.

Anger can be a tough emotion to sit with. I get that too.
That’s why we tend to avoid it.
That’s why we project it out. Look for someone to blame.

“Those ignorant idiots! How could they do it?”

This doesn’t address the emotion directly. It doesn’t take the healing opportunity that’s being offered and it puts YOU firmly in the victim roll… which. I’m guessing, ISN’T where your heart lays…

You might expect me to say “Don’t be angry, it’s all as it’s meant to be” yada yada…

But that isn’t real is it? If you’re feeling anger… FEEL it. And I mean really feel it. Sit your ass down and let the pure anger come. It’s a wave, and like all emotions it comes to pass. The avenue of passage is direct and full experience… projecting it out is just playing tennis with it.

Letting it truly come to pass, again, will free you from unconscious pain inducing responses AND most likely bring you the gift of awareness about where this national decision hooks you at a personal level. All good!

You can certainly use NPA to help you fully experience this, and there are lots of modalities which encourage you to do this, including Transformational Breathing, Vipassana style meditation and more.

A great method for directly sitting in emotions, which I have practiced and taught all over the world, is The Journey… So I have included a link to that in a list of resources below.

Tough Love

I’ve called this tough love, because I believe we’re in a time where we are being called to USE the knowledge we have as awakened, conscious folk. I’ve seen a lot of these reactions from a lot of conscious people this morning… Including myself!

I felt, literally, moved to write this and I hope it serves you to bring greater peace, grounded-ness, consciousness and freedom when the energy in the air is a little bit crazy.

Please do share this if it resonates.

Much Love

Joel

RESOURCES:
The Work of Byron Katie: www.TheWork.com
The NPA Process: www.NonPersonalAwareness.com
The Journey: www.TheJourney.com

[JY-General-Bio]

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Why Conscious Participation Is Not Always Necessary For Healing

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Why Conscious Parenting Is NOT Always NecessaryIn this short audio with Joel Young, The Creator of The NPA Process, you will discover how the requirement for personal involvement in your healing journey has dramatically changed since the background shift in consciousness has matured over the past few years…

Joel explains…

  • The historic culture of personal involvement
  • How things are different since the recent shift
  • Why purpose is context specific on the healing path
  • Discernment between option and need
  • How one lady went from flustered stuttering to clear expression in 30 seconds
  • How shifting consciousness automatically shifts emotional states, limiting beliefs and unhealthy behaviours
  • When conscious participation IS necessary
  • What love’s got to do with it

Time investment: 6.5 minutes

Why Conscious Participation Is Not Always Necessary For Healing

 

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What You Need To Know If You Are Sensitive To Criticism

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What You Need To Know If You Are Sensitive To CriticismCriticism is a part of life, and yet so many people have a hard time receiving it and they often experience a lot of hurt in the process. Even if the critics intention is to be constructive, it can be experienced as painful.

I often say that awareness is a powerful thing, so I thought I’d bring some awareness to the topic, laying out why the sensitivity is there, and how NPA can change the experience completely in a healthy way.

Why Are People So Sensitive When It Comes To Criticism From Others?

You might be surprised to learn that the sensitivity actually comes from defence. Criticism threatens an identity, or sense of self and as we become more attached to an identity, it becomes rigid and brittle. If you imagine your skin became rigid and brittle and then someone came up and poked it – it might well split, and then OUCH!

Taking things personally is literally attaching to an identity – you say ‘that’s me that is’, or, equally as confining, ‘that’s NOT me’. For example, a 5 year old who’s told by his Dad: ‘You’re funny!’ may take that on as a fundamental character trait. Literally taking it as ‘Funny: that’s who I am’. Perhaps he grows up and builds an identity all around that idea, maybe even makes it a career! Then someone say’s ‘you’re not that funny’ and his brittle skin gets poked! Of course, different people respond differently in different situations, but he may lash out, or withdraw – either way he feels pain.

A Way To Stop Taking Things Personally

Essentially, The NPA Process allows people to stop taking things personally. Now, most of us realise that taking things personally is a painful thing but few have any idea HOW to NOT take things personally – so that’s pretty awesome by itself!

But what I have come to realise is that ‘taking things personally’ is threaded much more deeply and subtly through our human psyche and is the fundamental mechanism for creating our experiences – both wonderful and painful.

NPA has now had a huge impact on the lives of people from all over the world, from all walks of life and in a huge variety of situations. So, it turns out, that the NPA Process is an amazing tool for clearing painful experiences quickly AND allowing more expansive and joyful experiences into our lives.

Running with the brittle skin metaphor for a bit, you could say that NPA gives you healthy skin – supple yet strong, sensitive and able to feel a vast range of sensations, yet in no way tender and raw. Someone can ‘have a poke’, but it doesn’t hurt, there’s nothing to defend and it can be seen for what it is; just a perspective.

So, Should We Take NOTHING Personally?

NPA Skin Cream (It's a metaphor!)People are often surprised when I tell them that NPA does not subscribe to the idea that taking things personally is always bad. In fact it acknowledges that fundamentally it’s how we experience anything at all!

What causes us pain and suffering is that brittle-ness I spoke of earlier – that attachment to, and defence of, a transitory idea of who we are. NPA offers a ‘multiple perspective’ approach which I teach on the Saturday of The NPA Expansive Weekend and in NPA: The Bridge and this can bring a great deal of fluidity and relief to peoples sense of identity.

NPA is interested in helping people notice and shift those places where brittleness and therefore pain and suffering has come about from taking things personally, where either they are clinging to something that wants to pass, or resisting something that wants to come into their life.

A Note On Clarity & Action

People sometimes misinterpret this perspective and think that I am suggesting a path of passivity that a) never acknowledges that sometimes the critic is just being an arse, and b) doesn’t allow space for the criticised person to have a powerful response.

So here’s what I’ve noticed…

There isn’t one formula for a response that is appropriate in all situations. The reports I get, and my own experience tells me that NPA (and not taking things personally generally) brings a tremendous clarity and presence to the situation. From that clarity and presence strong affirmative action seems to arise naturally.

This is not the powerless, angry action of someone who is in defence and feels like ‘the victim’, it’s the action of someone who knows who they are, supports their values and yet is open to self-evaluation. It’s the action of someone humble enough to know that they are not perfect and others may have a point, yet knows their boundaries and are willing to assert them. Walking away is definitely an option. Passionate discussion of different perspectives is definitely an option. This is a HEALTHY place to come from and time again I see NPA bringing clear and healthy action into peoples lives.

Criticism Aikido

If you’re someone who feels sensitive to criticism, then thank God you’re here. If EVER there was a tool for the job, NPA is it for you!

So here’s what I recommend. Get REALLY into NPA. Practice, Practice, Practice The NPA Process! Master it, play with it, just do it! Buy NPA: The Bridge and listen to it over and over. And/or come to a seminar, join the NPA Community!

Each time you do a process you’ll be loosening up your stuck identifications, letting go of some yukky stuff, or letting in some yummy stuff, but also training in the non-personal perspective – this is one of the fundamentals of letting the Non-Personal perspective come alive in you.

Having the non-personal perspective ‘alive’ in you brings an aikido like emotional and mental agility in difficult situations – like when criticism comes your way! Your brittle skin will be nourished, hydrated and re-conditioned with healthy, wholesome non-personal goodness. It’s a wonderful thing 🙂

[JY-General-Bio]

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10 Ways To Deal With Intense Negativity

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VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

10 Ways To Deal With Intense NegativityHave you ever been in a situation where the people around you are in an absolute stink? A prolonged state of ‘negativity’ where it seems like nothing you say or do, no matter how well intentioned, can encouraged them to come back into their heart?

My name is Joel Young and I’m the creator
of The NPA Process, a beautifully simple way to stop taking things personally.

This video addresses the issue of dealing with intense negativity in terms of basic human interaction. It comes in the understanding that human relations are often where our deepest crap hits the proverbial fan, rarely stopping to consider the sanitised suggestions proffered by our more enlightened aspects.

I’ve experienced this many many times in my life and I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way.

I’m not generally big on formulas, but it IS nice to have some options.

So here’s a list of 10 things I’d like to share with you, that I’ve found helpful when I’m dealing with intense negativity. If you can assimilate even one of them in the heat of the moment, you’ll be doing yourself (and the other person) a big favour.

So let’s get started…

1. Re-Think The Label ‘Negativity’

When you label someones expressions as ‘negative’ you enter dangerous territory.

Now, It’s not that I’m saying there’s anything intrinsically bad or wrong with the term negativity, I’m simply suggesting you examine what you are really saying when you use it, and how that impacts your experience: your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

I could say a LOT about this, but the main point I want to highlight is that in the context of heated interactions: Watch out for the tendency to fall into the trap of using the term ‘negativity’ as one of the following: a judgement, a defence, an attack from a position of superior enlightenment, to assert yourself as a victim, to negate their perspective or deny their experience.

All of those will cause YOU pain and I’m encouraging you to be as aware as possible about how YOUR label for THEIR experience impacts YOUR experience.

When you label someones expressions as ‘negative’ you enter dangerous territory.

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2. Drop Your Agenda

When we’re uncomfortable with someone else’s expression, it’s very easy to believe the notion that they ought to be different than they are – after all, YOU can see that they would be much happier if they only followed your helpful advice and, of course, it would certainly be easier for you!

Again, I’m not saying that your helpful insights aren’t awesome, and if they did do what’s bleedin’ obvious to you, perhaps they would feel a whole lot better!

The slippery slope here is when you become attached to your way and then suddenly you have an agenda.

Agenda’s limit possibilities. They can make you go deaf & blind to the other person, to yourself and tend to create strong undercurrents of pressure to have themselves fulfilled.

Pressure and heat is exactly what you need for an explosion – just sayin’

The truth is that they need to be where they are right now – at least for now. And as humans we tend to resist when our natural pace is forced.

There’ll be time for suggestions or for offering a perspective or for finding a way through that works for them (whether you agree with it or not) – and that time might not be now.

When you drop your agenda, you’ll be more available to notice that moment when it arises.

NPA: Non-Personal Awareness (logo)3. Don’t Take It Personally

Well, of course, this list would not be complete without a reference to NPA would it?

So… Lots of wise sages have advised people not to take these things personally – and trust me it’s good advice!

I have dedicated nearly a decade of my life to sharing the multifaceted and fundamentally non-personal nature of reality… And sometimes, especially in these situations, it comes down to this: It’s just not about you!

Of course, when someone’s deepest doo doo is being flung in your face, it can be easier said than done to not take it personally, but fortunately the human race now has The NPA Process which gives us a simple and effective way to cut through the sh*t (pun intended) and come up smelling of roses (I may have overdone and/or mixed my metaphors – but you get the point!).

I’ve experienced it myself AND had amazing feedback from so many other people who have stepped out of a heated situation, taken themselves through an NPA Process and found they really CAN stop taking it personally and become freer to act from a wholesome place.

On my website (see below) you’ll find a free and simple exercise called ‘Don’t Take Them Personally’. It will show you exactly how to use The NPA Process in these situations and I highly recommend you get it.

GET THE “DON’T TAKE THEM PERSONALLY” EXERCISE

Learn how you can feel clear and centred around the people in your life who say or do things that cause you stress

Click here to get your free exercise

4. Listen To Them

Listening without an agenda is just that. Listening. Nothing added.

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This suggestion may seem hard to swallow, and it often requires us to be able to genuinely get the hang of suggestions 1, 2 & 3 – so: drop the label of negativity, drop the agenda and not take it personally – before we’re able to really listen. But when you DO really listen, magic can happen.

There can be lots of ‘faux’ listening going on, especially where an agenda is running in the background – and in fact, that is not listening.

Truly listening can be miraculous, but listening in order to get a miracle – well, we’re back to agenda again :p

Listening without an agenda is just that. Listening. Nothing added. You might be amazed what gets said when they realise you’re really listening.

5. Listen To You

There’s a saying that ‘misery loves company’ which points to our very natural human longing for agreement. In the heat of their deepest pain people often seek agreement from those around them.

And when I say seek, as you know, it often comes out as demand right?

Now, Our culture is full of mixed messages in this arena.

We’re taught, for example:
“It is kind and loving to sympathise and support someone in their painful stories”

This is something many would agree with, and it’s my opinion that there IS a place for this in the bish bosh of day to day human bonding. Validation can be an important part of dialogue.

Conversely we are told “where attention goes energy flows”, which in this context is kind of a rebranding of “don’t throw fuel on the fire”. In other words, if you give their negativity attention it will just get worse.

Then there’s the old chestnut: “If I don’t put ’em straight they’ll never learn”… And sometimes a strong alternative perspective is exactly what’s needed…

The reality is, there’s no ONE approach that will be right for all situations, and you can’t truly know how the other person will respond whichever path you choose. To sympathise, to challenge, to ignore, to confront…? What to do? What to do?

All you can do is listen to you as best you can, and follow those inner prompts, knowing that they, ultimately, come from a wider awareness. Plus, this way, at least you stay with yourself.

6. Ask Yourself: Is It Kind To Me?

Be Kind To You

This inner inquiry came to me in the middle of a drawn out domestic some years ago.

Kindness has always been important to me and the question I used to ask was focused very much in the outward direction. “What’s the kind thing for me to do” would be translated as “how can I express kindness towards them“.

What I realised though is that sometimes, my attempts at kindness would be very painful for me, and would often backfire and cause greater stress in my beloved at the time.

The thing is, I was excluding myself completely from the kindness equation.

So, on this occasion I was laying next to my wife at the time, both of us worn out from the long fight. I knew she was still mad at me and very much unresolved… and the truth is, so was I.

Then arose my usual urge to make peace… To open my heart and reconnect and I began to reach out my hand to touch her softly and comfort her… Suddenly the words rang loudly in my head: “Is it kind to YOU Joel?”

My hand stopped in it’s tracks as the realisation dawned. “No, it bloody well isn’t kind to me” and then, I realised, it wouldn’t really have been kind to her either.

It would have been a false move, borne from my agenda to stop the discomfort I felt with the conflict! It would have been a lie to her and a lie to myself.

My hand withdrew and I lay in the truth, and let her be – free to lay in hers. Something in me softened.

So my suggestion is: before you act to appease, to agree, to shout, to run – whatever – ask yourself “Is it kind to me?”. If it is? Chances are it’s the kindest thing you can do all round.

Ask yourself “Is it kind to me?” If it is? Chances are it’s the kindest thing you can do all round.

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7. Give Yourself A Break

OK, this one is real simple. You’re gonna cock it up on numbers 1-6 at some point (and numbers 8-10 for that matter!). You just are – that’s your humanity.

So give yourself a break.

Sometimes, what is, is just gonna be: “I’m fed up with the unconscious negativity of the miserable bugger. Why won’t they just think differently like I tell ’em AND I’ve been as kind to them as I can possibly be in spite of their mood! What about me!!!!???” lol

Give yourself a break. There’s another breath coming.

8. Remove Yourself From The Situation

Sometimes you’ve just gotta get out. Get away from it. This links right back to listening to and being kind to you. There are times when it’s time to stay and work it through, and times when something inside says it’s time to go.

This is true in a small temporary way – where you just need to take yourself off for a walk, a bike ride, for a coffee or whatever… AND it can also be true in a bigger way, where it’s time to leave the relationship altogether.

When you listen in and pay close attention, and are willing to be kind to you, the thousand-and-one rational thoughts that would keep you in the painful crap longer than is ‘true’ won’t get a look in.

9. Affirm Your Willingness To Be There When They’re Ready

In relational dynamics, especially if it’s that time to go take a breather (and it’s not the grand finale), I’ve found that it’s kinder all round if you can offer some sense of reassurance as you step away.

It may seem that the other person can neither hear you nor cares, but something inside them is listening.

So saying things like “I’m here when you’re ready, I know we can work this out, and I need to go right now” tend to tear less at the bonds between you.

This isn’t only a sound approach at the times when you need to walk away for a bit, but all throughout communications at these heated times.

The more you can offer statements of intent to work it out together, to hear them, to be there: it’s all good (as long as it’s kind to you).

10. Get Help For You

Don’t under estimate the value of another perspective. We all need a helping hand sometimes

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Finally, it’s really important to get support for YOU – especially if you’re dealing with a prolonged situation.

So make sure you reach out and talk to a friend, pray to whomever you pray (and be conversational about it) or get some professional help with someone like me 😉

But really – don’t under estimate the value of another perspective in these kind of situations. We all need a helping hand sometimes <3

One More thing…

What if YOU are the source of ‘intense negativity’?

In that case, watch this video again and see if you can recognise how there’s a part of you that needs to ‘re-think the label’, ‘drop the agenda’ etc etc – give yourself a break and Do some NPA!!

Give It Some Love

So… Perhaps you have ideas I’ve never even thought of? Maybe one of these 10 suggestions has given you an aha moment or helped you in some specific way? Maybe you have a strong opinion about one or all of these?

Please let me and others know in the comments and why not share this if you’ve found it helpful

Also go visit my website: NonPersonalAwareness.com where you’ll find the free and simple exercise called ‘Don’t Take Them Personally’. Remember, it will show you exactly how to use The NPA Process in these situations and I highly recommend you get it.
[or use the link in the box below]

GET THE “DON’T TAKE THEM PERSONALLY” EXERCISE

Learn how you can feel clear and centred around the people in your life who say or do things that cause you stress

Click here to get your free exercise

Thanks for spending this precious time with me and I’ll see you soon!

[JY-General-Bio]

Tweetables

“Ask yourself “Is it kind to me?” If it is? Chances are it’s the kindest thing you can do all round” via @JoelYoungNPA

“Don’t under estimate the value of another perspective. We all need a helping hand sometimes” via @JoelYoungNPA

“Have you excluded yourself completely from the kindness equation?” via @JoelYoungNPA

“In the heat of their deepest doo doo people often seek agreement from those around them” via @JoelYoungNPA

“The reality is, there’s no ‘one’ approach that will be right for all situations” via @JoelYoungNPA

“Listening without an agenda is just that. Listening. Nothing added.” via @JoelYoungNPA

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Healing Without The History

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HealingWithoutTheHistory300x300In this Musing on NPA & Life, I’m going to let you know why the story that we need to re-write our personal history in order to heal isn’t necessarily true, and how NPA can help you find your natural path to healing; whatever that may be.

The Definitive Position

There are lots of ‘stories’ flying around in the world of human transformation, positive thinking and healing that are presented as ‘the definite position’. One of the reasons I sometimes refer to myself as a ’21st Century Heretic’ is that I like to examine this new doctrine, with an intention of promoting a perspective of unlimited possibility, co-creation and ongoing evolution.

Most of these ‘definitive positions’ are taken because of an experience of things working that way. So there IS an element of truth to them.

THE Way To Heal

Let’s take our topic-du-jour – healing. It would be true to say that many people have had tremendous success in healing by addressing their issues through following this idea:

“It took root as the result of something in my past, so if I can access whatever set things up this way and change the settings to something better, then I will heal”

The journey to your past can be fun. It can give the mind a recognisable, reason based and understandable story about what caused things to be as they are. It can also help relax the mind about the changes that are be-coming. It can be juicy and it scratches the itch of ‘why?’

This can be a great thing and certainly, in some cases, it’s A good way. But the leap from A WAY to THE WAY can be a trip to limitation and, perhaps even denial of an altogether simpler way.

The leap from A WAY to THE WAY can be a trip to limitation

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Infinite Possibilities

The reality is that people all over the world are experiencing healing in a million different ways, with most of them not necessarily linking their healing to their past, or changing their thoughts, feelings or beliefs about their ‘history’ in any way.

I like to think that this demonstrates the kindness and flexibility of The Universe in how it answers our prayers – not just for healing, but for the journey of healing that will suit us best.

The reality is that people all over the world are experiencing healing in a million different ways

Click To Tweet

NPA is just a few simple words; six simple lines. Sometimes you don’t feel a thing. Sometimes you do.

It doesn’t lead you to some place ‘not here’ that you need to get to, in order to meet an idea of what it takes to heal. For example, you are not required to go to the past if that’s not where you’re hanging out naturally. You’re not required to determine ‘how that makes you feel’ if your natural expression is not emotional. You are not required to figure out what you would have to believe in order to feel this way if you ARE experiencing emotions! NPA simply meets you where you are.

LandingLights300x300NPA has shown me time and again that spontaneous healings can just sort of happen.

And what I have seen much more often with NPA is that it works with our humanity. It honours our longing for the story of our lives. It respects our minds’ childlike need for understanding and opens the way for the most appropriate mechanism to show itself.

You could say that NPA turns on the landing lights for your dreams and prayers. It makes the path that suits you best really clear, and facilitates a nice soft landing.

Life Has Space To Answer

That might be a spontaneous healing. Or it might be that you suddenly feel inspired to have a session in another healing modality – one that uses physical touch, or one that works with your thoughts or emotions – or perhaps even one that addresses the past!

Whatever it is, I often hear that the path is made clear, automatic even and that it runs smooth. Life has space to answer, and to answer in ways that work easily, naturally & sustainably for you.

With all these conflicting definitive positions flying around which tell you with conviction what is required for you to heal can get confusing. So, it’s a wonderful thing to have NPA as A way to help your most natural healing path show itself to you. :0)

[JY-General-Bio]

More Tweetables:

“NPA has shown me time & again that spontaneous healings can just sort of happen” via @JoelYoungNPA

“It’s a wonderful thing to have NPA as A way to help your most natural healing path show itself to you” via @JoelYoungNPA

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Your Personal World Cup & How To Win It (no football required)

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Your Personal World Cup & How To Win ItThe air is alive with World Cup fever this month. It’s something that comes around like clockwork, fills the participant nations with high emotion and has the potential to deliver the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

How, thought I, could I possibly relate this footie-phenomena to the joys of a non-personal perspective in a personal world?

Well, if you’ll pardon the pun, it turns out that it offers us a golden opportunity for self reflection and a shot at deeper freedom…

Identity Crisis

The other day I caught one of those ‘count down’ TV programmes, the World Cup Top 100 something-or-others, and what I noticed is that we hold distinct national ‘identities’, which directly relate to ‘what we are like’ in the World Cup.

For example – England are rubbish at penalties, Irish fans expect nothing but have the best time, Cameroon are likeable rogues, Germany are efficient and effective; always in contention etc etc.

It’s intriguing that the identification each nation has taken on in relation to their World Cup experience, seems to play itself out again and again. The thing is, the same mechanism is operating in our individual lives; we each have our own ‘World Cup’ event, we have assumed an identity in relation to it, and we play out this identification as our habituated track through the event. With a sigh we are left wondering why it happened pretty much the way it always does.

Of course, if you’re a Brazil, an Argentina or a Germany in relation to your personal World Cup, then chances are you feel pretty happy with how things pan out.

However if you’re an England and find yourself constantly disappointed and longing for the glory days; or if you’re a USA who’s only really interested when you’re winning and dismissive of the whole thing when you’re not; or if you’re a Scotland that ends up with the opportunity to play much less than you feel you deserve and often end up on the sidelines gaining hollow satisfaction from seeing your ‘only slightly more talented’ sibling country falling flat on their faces again… well then, perhaps, it’s time to break the pattern and have a different experience..?

The Road To Your World Cup Heaven

Your Personal World Cup NPA GraphicSo, here’s your chance for some self-inquiry. I could call it steps 1-4, but it’s oh-so-much more fun to continue the metaphor:

You’ve gotta be in it to win it, so firstly you’ll have to get through the qualifying stages. For that you’re going to need to ask yourself what your ‘World Cup’ situation is? Then to survive the group stages you’ll need to know who you are being in relation to that situation?

Next it’s knock-out time and it’ll take some fancy footwork to uncover which key aspects you’ll need to leverage, to bring more freedom and ease to the situation. Pull all of this off, and you’ll make The Final, where you can use a little NPA (the ‘Pele’ of tools for this kind of thing) and score the winning goal that can reset who you know yourself to be!

Defining Your ‘World Cup’ Situation

To help get you qualified for the main event, here’s some qualities that define the World Cup and which you can use metaphorically to look at the defining your personal World Cup event:

World Cup Aspects Defined:

  • It’s a sport, so there are winners and losers, with a series of events and a distinct outcome that defines that (add drama to taste)!
  • It is noteworthy on the ‘sporting’ calendar!
  • It happens regularly and repeatedly
  • There’s a heavy investment of National identity in it. Lots of fire, passion and potential misery! (even though it’s ‘only’ a sport)

So, to find the World Cup in your life, contemplate those aspects and ponder where this kind of pattern plays out in your life. If you want to sit back and be lead by the hand on this, skip to the bonus resources section and share the blog – then you’ll have access to a handy bendy audio that will help find your personal World Cup.

Who Are You In Relation To That Situation?

Once you’ve got a specific situation in mind it’s time to take an objective look at how it plays out. Imagine that it’s not you, not your family, not your life – just a TV drama. Ask yourself:

How does it usually play out?

  • What role does my character play throughout? (Think in terms of archetype, stereotypes or symbolically)
  • What role does my character end up in?
  • What judgements are my character making?
  • Is there a clear emotional pathway and/or a switch point? (eg. a give up point, an explosion point, an impatience-leads-to-carelessness point)

Just watch the movie and contemplate these questions, getting a general sense of the role you play and how that pattern shows up.

A Couple Of Examples

Here’s a couple of examples to give you the idea…

The Children’s Clear Up Challenge

Tidy Up BattleYour ‘World Cup’ event might be asking your kids to tidy their rooms? You notice you leave the asking for as long as possible – perhaps its a 4 week cycle. You seem uncharacteristically het up about it and the kids throw all kind of strops. You want to be ‘strong Mum/Dad’ but the tears and tantrums always seem to take the juice from the legs. You hit the crossbar, miss the goal – it never quite seems to go the way you want it. When it comes to this – you just seem to play out the role of the ‘ineffective parent’, and you feel disproportionately crushed.

The Financial Ex-Factor

The Financial Ex FactorIt’s that time again when you need to ask your ex-husband for more money for the kids. It’s always more of a drama than other conversations you have with him. You find yourself getting nervous before you call him, distrustful thoughts enter your mind, then angry thoughts – you know you play your best game when you’re centred, but you can’t help feeling meek. You fight the feeling and get angry with yourself – you know you’ve a perfect right to ask. Then you call. Sometimes he’s just fine and agrees and what a huge relief. But sometimes there’s a slight hesitation from him, a hint of resistance and you explode – you accuse him of sleight of hand with the finances, you’ve slipped into the role of ‘hysterical ex-wife’, a ‘victim’ –  it’s an own goal – you’re devastated and bewildered… you don’t even think that stuff… ouch.

And fella’s on the other side of this one – you know there’s equally complex emotions and identities at play here for you too! ♥

Shifting Identities with NPA

NPA is awesome for shifting identities. The NPA vernacular for them is ‘cookie cutters’ and they come in all shapes and sizes. Simply having an awareness of what you’re up to and the roles you fall into in your personal World Cup is an empowering thing and awareness alone for sure can get things moving. However, super charging with non-personal awareness has a way of releasing these traditionally sticky identities at the speed of light!

So now you’ve got the situation nicely defined, you can apply some NPA, and here’s some simple ways to do that:

4 Steps For Experienced NPA-ers:

1) Use a spew from the set up questions and contemplations in section 1 (the qualifying stage) to get a situational cookie cutter. Self elicit in your preferred way and choose the most animated cookie cutter.
2) Ask yourself: In relation to [Situational CC], who or what are you being?
3) Spew and elicit the most animated cookie cutter(s)
4) Run those cookie cutters through the NPA Process.

Simple Instructions For Newbies & Beginner NPA-ers:

Simply share this article via the bonus box and you will get access to a 6 min video that will take you through how to do the process. There will also be an outline of the NPA Process words themselves. There’s a ‘gap’ in the process where you insert the cookie cutter you are using.

If you’re a newbie simply use whatever role or roles you came up with that you play as your ‘cookie cutter’.

So in the examples I gave above, the cookie cutter to use for The Children’s Clear Up Challenge would be [ineffective parent]. And for The Financial Ex-Factor, there are two: [hysterical ex-wife] & [victim], requiring two processes. Obviously, it’s going to be whatever role you are seeing yourself in, not the examples. Just put that in the process, say the 6 lines, including those words out loud and see what happens.

If you want to understand all those ‘Experienced NPA-ers’ terms and do really graceful NPA, you’ll need to get some training via our comprehensive audio programme NPA: The Bridge or by attending an Event. You can also get direct assistance from me, and make a huge difference in your life HERE.

Bonus Resources For Sharing

I’d love you to share this article on your social networks, and doing so will give you instant access to the NPA Basic Training video, The NPA Process words AND a guided elicitation to help you through steps 1 & 2 described above.

[JY-General-Bio]

Artist credit: World Cup Selfie by Emma Allen – http://www.emmaallen.org/gallery/

Tweetables:

We hold distinct national ‘identities’, which directly relate to ‘what we are like’ in the World Cup. via @JoelYoungNPA

It’s intriguing that the identification that nations take on in relation to the World Cup, play themselves out repeatedly. via @JoelYoungNPA

In our individual lives; we each have our own ‘World Cup’ event. via @JoelYoungNPA

NPA is The ‘Pele’ of transformational tools :0)  via @JoelYoungNPA

Score the winning goal that can reset who you know yourself to be! via @JoelYoungNPA

NPA is awesome for shifting identities. via @JoelYoungNPA

Having an awareness of what you’re up to and the roles you fall into is an empowering thing. via @JoelYoungNPA

Non-personal awareness has a way of releasing these traditionally sticky identities at the speed of light! via @JoelYoungNPA

Trust that you can work with whatever situation is showing up. via @JoelYoungNPA

 

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Wholeness & Your Inner Brat: WTF?

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Wholeness & Your Inner Brat: WTF?In this Musing on NPA & Life I’m going to suggest that you notice a place in you where you have no need of life to acquiesce to your childish demands for more than you have.

In plain English that means I’m going to ask you to stop pandering to (or fighting) your inner brat. After all, s/he’s a brat.

So, let’s get this out of the way. We all have one.

It wants more. More than you have, more than you need, more…. just because more is better, and even if it isn’t better, at least it’s more, More, MORE!!!

So how does one handle this often incessant demand without suppressing or invalidating this part of you?

A Little Clarity Please…

Just to be clear – I am NOT saying ‘have no childish demands’. Childish demands come and go, as do all the colours of human experience.

My suggestion is that you have no NEED of LIFE to acquiesce to them, no matter how diligently you pray, affirm, clear out blocks, work your ass off, vision board etc etc… you get the gist.

This is, of course, only if you are interested in Truth and Peace.

And, just to be clear again – I am NOT saying don’t pray, affirm, clear out blocks, work your ass off, vision board etc etc… what you are moved to do is always perfection in the widest context.

What I AM pointing to here is a discernment of Truth, from a Spiritual perspective, and a further re-alignment of ‘Being’ from ‘Dualistic Struggle’ to ‘Wholeness’

The History Of The Conscious Brat

In the latter part of last century, especially in the awakening movement, we nurtured the demanding child of our psyches and drilled ourselves on the belief in personal power.

To a degree this may have been the quenching of a natural thirst to re-integrate the personal perspective into the Whole – a pendulum swing from outer focused authoritarianism and the exclusion of self-motivation. In the context of balance and integration, clearly this was an authentic act of kindness to The Human.

However, as one foot falls and has it’s moment of relevancy on the path, the other foot inevitably comes into consideration.

How To Love Your Inner Brat Wholesomely

Non-Personal Awareness on many levels is a vehicle through which you can engage in a simple inquiry to the source of ‘you’ and the experience of Self. Many are surprised at what they find; the realisation of Self as effect rather than cause. But ultimately there is relief, a resting and a natural willingness to Be.

From the highest personal perspective, it’s a matter of discernment. Part of mastering the NPA Process, and understanding Non-Personal Awareness is about becoming highly skilled at noticing ‘animation’.

Animation is my word for ‘what is already being moved by God/Grace/The Universe. It’s the ‘Energy of the moment’ and as you come to know this, you are able to let go of formulas and discern the ‘highest & best’ in the context of the present.

Practice

As you practice non-personal awareness, the personality relaxes it’s game of control and rests Gracefully in the chaotic, ordered, intelligent, beauty of Life. An invitation to notice the longings, wants and childish demands. To notice actions happening that appear to support those longings, wants and childish demands. To notice actions happening that appear to NOT support those longings, wants and childish demands. And to notice that, in any case, Life is what it is.

I have what I have. I will always have what I have. And I have no need of life to acquiesce to my childish demands for more than I have.

And just to leave your personality with a little reassurance right now; that tends to feel freakin’ awesome 😀

[JY-General-Bio]

Tweetables…

Childish demands come and go, as do all the colours of human experience. via @JoelYoungNPA

what you are moved to do is always perfection in the widest context. via @JoelYoungNPA

As one foot falls and has it’s moment of relevancy on the path, the other foot inevitably comes into consideration. via @JoelYoungNPA

engage in a simple inquiry to the source of ‘you’ and the experience of Self. via @JoelYoungNPA

 let go of formulas and discern the ‘highest & best’ in the context of the present. via @JoelYoungNPA

As you practice non-personal awareness, the personality relaxes it’s game of control. via @JoelYoungNPA

Notice that, in any case, Life is what it is. via @JoelYoungNPA

I have what I have. I will always have what I have. via @JoelYoungNPA

I have no need of life to acquiesce to my childish demands for more than I have. via @JoelYoungNPA

 

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The Surprising Secret Ingredient That Consistently Facilitates Healing

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The Surprising Secret IngredientNPA embraces and expresses one of my favourite paradoxes in the realm of healing, transformation, consciousness and love.

In this Musing on NPA & Life I want to lay it out for you, and give you an insight into, what I have come to understand is, THE biggest gift you can bring to any healing or facilitation situation.

“I’m Very Grateful”

This week I received an email from a client who wanted to express the gratitude she felt for the sessions we have been having, and offer a testimonial to share with others what she felt she experienced with me and how it has helped her.

The clue to the ‘secret ingredient’ is in here, so have a read and I’ll break it down for you after…

“Working with Joel I have been surprised by, and so appreciated, the tender compassion and acceptance that he has brought to each session. He offered a genuine loving space with no judgement; even of feelings I had previously felt sooo ashamed of.

In the past I have experienced a certain level of acceptance with facilitators but when change hasn’t come or stuckness has shown up, the focus on ‘moving on’ or changing has taken over.

Joel’s approach has the flavour of open-handed compassion and shows a level of acceptance which feels as if it comes very naturally from him. For me though, it was a very new experience and I feel that those qualities have been key to me moving on as I have.  Those more tender/”dark”/”stuck” feelings, having been offered all the time and space they needed to feel safe and relax, let down their defences and change of their own accord.

Here I am a few months later finding myself in a more peaceful and happy place! Feeling more able to deal with life, with more space and compassion now coming from within me! yeah!! I’m very grateful.”

Jane Griffin, Leicester, UK

The Secret Ingredient

So what was Jane experiencing ‘coming naturally from me’? She states; compassion, acceptance, genuine loving space, no judgement. These are qualities which naturally arise from the secret ingredient but are not the secret ingredient itself.

The thing I love most about NPA; the thing that practising it has trained into me, into my approach to working with clients and into my life in general is it’s agenda-less-ness. OK, so that’s not, strictly speaking, a real word but it points to the fact that NPA, in it’s pure form, comes with no agenda. And having NO agenda IS the secret ingredient.

And there-in lies the paradox, and the challenge for many a would-be power-user of NPA, and many a fine transformational practitioner. The question goes: “Surely if someone is paying me money to get some kind of outcome or result – shouldn’t I be doing everything in my power to get them there? Or at least to help them get themselves there!!??”

The trouble is, all that “I, me, them, their, there” stuff is based on personal power. Personal power requires a person. Persons come with an agenda. Agenda’s come with timelines, outcomes, comparisons, judgements, intentions… that leads to right ways and wrong ways both overt and covert… that leads to dogma and dogma leads to blindness… I think you get the idea.

NPA invites you to:

  • Express yourself in your natural way.
  • To say a few simple lines.
  • To notice what happens (if anything).

That’s it. No agenda.

So How Does That Consistently Facilitate Healing?

Let’s break it down

The Problem with AgendasThe problem with agendas – even ones with positive intent, even subtle energetic easily self-deniable ones – is that they apply pressure towards the intended outcome or route. Pressure tends to invoke resistance, resistance leads to persistence and before you know it you’re in a world of friction and potential stuckness. That can lead to further pressure in support of the agenda and so begins an un-helpful loop.

Jane illustrates it when she says, “In the past I have experienced a certain level of acceptance with facilitators” – in other words, there was an agenda with the facilitator, and she goes on to say how the agenda kicks up a gear, “but when change hasn’t come or stuckness has shown up, the focus on ‘moving on’ or changing has taken over.”

As you train more in the art of using NPA, you’ll begin to appreciate the importance and power of it’s agenda-less-ness. The power in NPA is NON-personal; as you get out of the way (drop the agenda) things begin to resolve all by themselves… in wonderful, effortless and sometimes miraculous ways.

Working agenda-less-ly with Jane meant that we met in a state of mutual, gentle discovery. It was like watching a flower blossom… and how personally are you involved in that process?

As Jane put it, “Those more tender/”dark”/”stuck” feelings, having been offered all the time and space they needed to feel safe and relax, let down their defences and change of their own accord.”

They (the feelings) let down their defences and changed of their own accord… And THAT is how having no agenda consistently facilitates healing, transformation, evolutions in consciousness and love.

Let It Come Alive

I have found that people who bathe themselves in the non-personal perspective at The NPA Expansive Weekend and beyond, find that it naturally comes alive in them, and with that dogma’s and agenda’s fall away. They still, of course, are available to passing intentions, outcome notions and the like, but rather than wearing them as uniform, they are passing fancy dress outfits that serve to raise a smile, warm the heart, lift a weight, disarm or arm; they come, and are used when useful and kind, and are discarded effortlessly as the truth of the moment dictates.

In the end it comes down to this, “Less ‘you-who-knows’ and more ‘Life-will-show’, invites the magic moment”

[JY-General-Bio]

 Tweetables:

“Having NO agenda IS the secret ingredient” via @JoelYoungNPA 

“Dogma leads to blindness” via @JoelYoungNPA 

“NPA invites you to express yourself in your natural way” via @JoelYoungNPA 

“The problem with agendas is that they apply pressure towards the intended outcome or route” via @JoelYoungNPA

“As YOU get out of the way, things begin to resolve all by themselves” via @JoelYoungNPA

“We met in a state of mutual, gentle discovery. It was like watching a flower blossom…” via @JoelYoungNPA

“Having no agenda consistently facilitates healing, transformation, evolutions in consciousness and love” via @JoelYoungNPA

“Less ‘you-who-knows’ and more ‘Life-will-show’, invites the magic moment” via @JoelYoungNPA

4 Comments

Are You An Intensively Farmed Spiritual Chicken?

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Are You An Intensively Farmed Spiritual Chicken?OK. So that might seem like an odd question to ask you, but here’s the thing:

Forcing your personal growth or Spiritual evolution is like pumping chickens full of growth hormones…

If you don’t believe in pumping chickens full of growth hormones or farming vegetables through artificial growth processes, and yet find yourself cracking the whip on yourself in the name of healing, personal growth or spiritual progress then I invite you to take a gentle look at the energetic environment you’re hanging out in.

Disregard For Natural Order

It’s the same consciousness that engages that behaviour in both situations. It comes from the belief that pushing hard and forcing things beyond their natural pace pays dividends. And perhaps also the fear that NOT pushing means no growth at all.

In both cases it can seem to achieve what you want in the short term and yet, the unkindness and disregard for natural order inevitably makes it unsustainable. At some point a backlash needs to happen. To put that another way… Nature asserts itself eventually.

Plus, chances are, the road of Force is a hard and fun-less journey for all involved!

Let Yourself Be

Let yourself be, and you’ll begin to connect to the natural rhythm of life, which offers smooth steady evolution AND exciting effortless growth spurts, all in joyful harmony.

I’d love to get your comments and have you share this blog. And if you do share, then you’ll unlock some extra content: “Cluck or Yuk -  Six Choice Checks for Spiritual Chicks” (Including man-chicks. I’m going with aliteration over gender vernacular and demographic accuracy)

Have a Natural Day – Joel x

 

Joel Young
http://www.NonPersonalAwareness.com/

Comments, shares and likes welcome!

[JY-General-Bio]

10 Comments

Do You Need A Hug?

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Do You Need A Hug?If you tend to rationalise the crap out of feeling alone, well I understand.

Especially on ‘Saint bloody Valentines day’…

Maybe you question why you haven’t got that special someone with you and berate yourself with some bugger’s reason why you should have.

Perhaps you rage at the vulgarity of Valentines commercialism and scorn the couple’s who fell for it; displaying their loved up life on Facebook like a badge of honour. Perhaps you quietly, secretly, wish them a nasty break up.

Perhaps you hide your heart in the Haagen-Dazs pot – cookies and silent scream.

These are culturally acceptable strategies for dealing with feeling alone. They are seriously rubbish and usually serve to make you feel worse.

Here’s the thing. You need a hug.

(And, by the way, the same goes for Christmas, New Years, Birthday’s and all those traditionally ‘social’ occasions…)

You Need A Hug

And I’m not talking about one of those civilized, love & light, bromance kinda hugs you see happening everywhere these days – although I’ve gotta say I’m all for them over a hand shake, an air kiss or an awkward stand-off.

No, I’m talking about one of those uncompromising, unhindered, full out, full on, ‘I’m totally f***ing here – this moment is. my. everything.’ kinda hugs. A hug that says everything you ever wanted to hear without a single word being said. A hug that has exactly nothing to do with sex or orgasms and yet gives every cell in your body the deepest permission to sing and cry and laugh and scream in one dizzy, crazy, out-of-control yet safely held moment. A hug that says yes to everything you are, everything you’ve been and everything you long to become.

THAT, dear reader, is the hug I’m talking about.

The Big Question

And here’s the big question: Can you feel it? As you read the description of the hug – did you feel it? Can you go there? Can you LET yourself touch into it?

Because, while it’s flippin’ wonderful to get that from someone else, the truth is there are parts of you that are looking for THAT kind of hug from you, and only you. In the same way that sometimes toddlers just need their Mum, and no one else will do – not even Daddy. This can be true whether you are in a wonderful relationship, a crappy relationship or no relationship. Sometimes you’ve just gotta get in there and hug yourself!

A Deep, Out-Of-Control, Yet Safely Held Moment

This week I worked with a client in his 30’s who had undergone a very traumatic event when he was 18. Out of the experience a great deal of positive inner searching, personal and spiritual growth had come and yet he, his 18 year old traumatised consciousness, was still somehow alone and locked down. For all the work he’d done and help he’d got, this inner kid needed to feel it. He needed to down-to-his-bones know: he wasn’t alone anymore. He needed THAT kind of hug.

And no, I didn’t give him that hug. I simply helped him to realise the man he’d become was the one that his 18 year old self was looking for. And helped him to realise that the man he’d become was ready; that all that he’d been through, all that he’d been inspired to learned and all the ways that he’d grown meant he could finally meet his younger self, hold him and give him THAT kind of hug.

It was indeed a deep, out-of-control yet safely held moment. And although he hardly moved a muscle – it was a deeply physical experience and the key that unlocked his long held defences and set him on the road to outward fulfilment.

Your Turn

So, if you’re alone this Valentines, or at any time – whether you’re single or in a relationship but not getting that hug – perhaps it’s you you’re looking for – and you wont settle for less. If you can even begin to connect emotionally with my description of ‘THAT kind of hug’ or it points you to your own description that you can connect with then you’ve gone a long way to finding the perfect love today.

If you wanna go for it, then…

I invite you to imagine there’s a younger self that’s looking for THAT kind of hug today. It doesn’t matter how old she or he is – whatever age ‘you’, shows up in your sense or imagination is perfect. And if there are many – form a queue – there’s plenty of hugs to go around, and just pick one for now.

Once you have a sense of them, just feel, sense or see yourself go over to them and connect. You’re ready, so just take them in your arms and give them THAT kind of hug. If it helps to re-read my description – great, do that. Or simply feel your way through it organically – you know what they need. You know what you need. Hug it out.

And if you would like help with that, you know where I am.

This is my Universal hug for you this fine day, and I hope it touches your heart and makes your world a little brighter.

Please share the hugging love and let me know what you experienced in the comments.

[JY-General-Bio]